A few weeks ago I opened up a cupboard to see that there was a box. I dragged the box out of it's cold mysterious place and opened the box up. The contents of the box were my old childhood soft toys that I thought my parents had given away, I flipped around the old dusty toys and found the biggest bear I owned. It's face was still covered with the blue and green paint that I had splotched on his face when I was younger. Then I spotted my old hot pink purse, inside the purse held a little stack of cards and some hair ties. Though I wanted to take all my old toys out I figured it wouldn't really fit everywhere so I only took the mini stack of cards.
What a Fantastic story. I loved how you have been so descriptive about your story. I could actually imagine the whole picture. Next time maybe you can add some feelings to your story.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment Mrs Ghosh next time I will try add some feelings to my story.
DeleteKia ora Priscilla,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your writing because you used interesting vocabulary - mysterious and splotched. This makes your reader more interested. I wonder whether you can similes and metaphors. By using this, the reader can understand how you may feel/what your point of view is.
Looking forward to future blog posts and writing,
Miss Laxa
Thank you for your comment Miss Laxa next time I will try to add similes and metaphors to my writing.
DeleteGreat job Priscilla, I can see that your writing has improved a lot. Now you use a large variety of vocabulary as well as correct punctuation. Kai Pai! 😊
ReplyDelete